LATEST LISIK NEWS: KICKING OFF 2012 (ON THE RADIO NO LESS)

EXCESS BAGGAGE VOL. 9 ISSUE 1


Well happy new year, y’all! And welcome to the first Excess Baggage issue of 2012. I hope I remember how to write these things, considering that I think I only did two issues last year. In fact, you might want to print a copy of this one to hang on yer fridge. It might end up being kinda rare.

But first things first, mark yer calendars for a few shows and at least one radio interview coming up soon. Tune in to WHBC-AM 1480 at 6:15 p.m. Jan. 5 for a biting Lisik interview by resident rock jock David Selby’s “Local Buzz” show, wherein I become the coolest music on talk radio at 6:15 p.m. on a Thursday. Ya know, since Rush Limbaugh’s show is over and you can’t hear the Pretenders playing “My City Was Gone” again until noon Friday…oh never mind, just tune in to Dave’s show…

And learn about our upcoming live shows including appearances at the Barrel Room in North Canton at 8 p.m. Jan. 14 and Acoustix in Akron at 8 p.m. Jan. 21 – where I’ll be sharing the stage with my old guitar slingin’ partner, John Markovic.

In un-live news, work on new CD (entitled The Mess That Money Could Buy or, if we decide to quote engineer Clint Holley instead, we might call it Wasted Sundays) will be done and out by spring 2012, promise. But remember, we still define what “spring” means.

The Brian Lisik documentary film by Eddie Tomecko, On The Wrong Side Of The Canal - at least part-one of it - will be sorta re-released this year as well. You see, we screened it in Akron in late 2009, then its retail release stalled due to complications with our distributor that were beyond our control (psst…that means they never really had a distributor, but whatever)

A brand new brianlisik.com site will also be launched within months, and I will be completing at least an EP’s worth of brand new songs with the Unfortunates for 2012 fan consumption.

All that being said, I have been fortunate enough in the past few months to be presented with a boatload of other opportunities to work on a wide range of projects, each of which I’ll at least dipping my feet into the tub of. Please forgive the vagueness of the forthcoming (very long) sentence, but the lawyers, publishers and producers would probably appreciate if I did that at this point; and I digress.

I have begun work on a book project with a prominent former Northeast Ohio elected official who is no longer elected – which sorta forms the basis of the book; a documentary by a Canadian filmmaker recounting one of the most notorious cases of false accusation in American history; a web-based “TV” series due to begin shooting in March about a group of musicians trying to “make it” (I think the role I’m gonna read for is a German guy, and I’m not sure if “make it” means I’ll be playing a lot of music or having a lot of sex scenes. Either way, I better find all my old Scorpions records and start practicin’); and, oh yeah, Joe Waller and I are about to start writing theme music for a new cartoon - that being the most likely project of all to be completed since, as live-action cartoon characters ourselves, we’re halfway there.

In the meantime, please visit me/us on facebook and twitter and at the somewhat resurrected All The Revolutionaries Are Dead blog. And for those of you who would actually like to see what a semi-completed and highly imaginative project from a Lisik looks like, check out what started as my son Christian’s Christmas vacation homework assignment and actually turned into a really cool story. Maybe the fruit really don’t fall far from the tree.

See ya at the shows kiddies!

Lisik

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I must admit, what was going to be an incredibly witty, insightful and gut-bustingly funny Christmas blog posting was somewhat derailed by seemingly every local and national DJ stealing my idea for a piece called “Christmas Ridicu-gifts.”

Like “ridiculous.” Get it? Never mind. You know, my blog was gonna be about things like the brilliantly coined “Soapy Soles” foot washer, the “Snuggie” and its sister-product, the “Forever Lazy” – which apparently makes one become very energetic, if the TV commercials of people dancing in football stadiums and throwing popcorn all over the living room while wearing their Forever Lazy are any indication.

And what, pray tell, did I ever do before purchasing – say - my Loop Wizard, an item that magically re-threads everything from hoodies to tote bags. For those, of course, who can actually re-thread things at all. Oh, and then there are the re-named “our version of” women’s fragrances such as the fake Paris Hiltion’s Can Can known as… Yes Yes. Or how about the faux Guess perfume. Wonder how long before someone on that crackerjack sales team came up with (shoulder’s shrugging) “Question Mark?”

Yeah, sure, that’ll work.

“Back in the day I bought some of those knock off fragrances,” Ms. Allgood opined after finding me laughing hysterically while standing at the fake perfume rack at a local clothing retailer. “The problem is, they smell good at first but after a couple hours, they smell like feet.”

I thought the phony Kim Kardashian brand (seductively re-titled, Black Tantra) did straight out of the bottle.

So I have instead decided to focus this posting on what I believe is the absolute coolest Christmas gift ever – one that children and adults alike would run through the mall with Tickle-Me-Elmo abandon, pushing old ladies and kicking over kids on crutches to snag the last one on the shelf.

In fact, this thing might make up for every fish-tie, tire gauge and industrial-sized can of unshelled peanuts ever gifted the world over. Why, if someone gets me one of these for Christmas, if might even make up for the Guns-N-Roses poster that my brother took off my bedroom closet door and wrapped up as my Christmas 1991 gift.

Anyway, check this out.

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=10999954

Holy crap, this is cool! I mean, who the hell else on your block is gonna have an action figure that you can roll around in broken glass? And can you imagine how freaked out and insecure your sister’s Ken doll is gonna be when he meets this 12” action figure?! You know, if you know what I mean…
Well, anyway, Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night and all that stuff. I’m gonna go watch this fed up Fed Ex guy on Youtube some more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5uIH0VTg_o

Why does this video somehow makes me feel more warm and Mistletoe-y than my mom’s Christmas With Carnie Wilson CD and its big hit “Warm Lovin’ Christmastime?”

Something I probably shouldn’t be wasting my time with, but….

…waking up to hot women seemed to be as good a topic as any to bring the almost permanently pretermitted postings of this blog back to life.

“Did you see who got voted the ‘hottest woman of all time’?” Ms. Allgood called from the lower level of our humble alcazar.

“Staci Allgood,” I surmised.

“No, she came in second.”

“Marilyn Monroe.”

“Nope, not her either – but Angelina Jolie is gonna be mad when she finds out who won.”

Okay, not that I don’t agree that Jennifer Aniston is among the top two on my “famous girls I’d date if they would even cross the street to pee on me if I was on fire” list.

"Her down-to-earth persona makes her seem attainable . . .,” Ms. Allgood quoted from the online poll conducted by that estimable bastion of smart-ness Men’s Health magazine that resulted in Jen’s big win.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought when I saw her naked on the cover of Rolling Stone,” I replied. “But the hottest woman of all time? All-time is a really long time.”

I mean, hell, are we completely leaving out decades that preceded women wearing pants?

Though Raquel Welch was runner up, and Marilyn did come in third, Us Weekly’s report of the Men’s Health report (are you getting a headache yet?...) pointed out that Britney Spears ranked fourth, Madonna fifth, and the Jen-mesis herself, Ms. Jolie, way down in 10th.


Although I have yet to dig into the official federally audited numbers associated with this momentous poll, I’d like to know where the women who have truly helped further the cause of hotness throughout history ranked.

I mean, where is the don’t-touch-that-you’ll-burn-your-hand stovetop hot Jean Harlow and her decades-ahead-of-her-time practice of never wearing a bra? And, what, no Natalie Wood? And no Grace Kelly? No Audrey Hepburn?

Maybe I just have an unhealthy thing for those knee-wobbling 1940s hairdos, but for god’s sake gentlemen, where in the hell is Rita H-H-H-HHayworth? Or geez, Rosie the Riveter?

And hey, if we are allowing cartoon hotness to enter the fray, let’s hear it for Betty Boop, Jessica Rabbit (not to mention her real-life voice, Kathleen Turner), and – the hottest-drawn character ever, the indomitable Daphne from Scooby Doo.

Not that I have anything against the age of cocaine-fueled disco hotness either. Where, pray tell is Cheryl Ladd? Or Phoebe Cates in “Fast Times At Ridgemont High?”

And what of the world off the silver screen – no Linda Rondstadt on her 1976 “Hasten Down the Wind” album, or Tanya Tucker on 1978’s “TNT”, or pretty much every Stevie Nicks album?


“You know what I hate – she has such nice lips but they always seem to be chapped,” Ms. Allgood said with a tisk as a picture of poor dear Angie popped up on the screen, shortly before turning her attentions from the Men’s Health poll to more important matters, such as letting Isis the German Shepherd outside to poop.

“Hey, don't delete it yet - the article also has a link to ‘Jen’s Amazing Bikini Body’,” I replied, thinking how much better a stage play that would be than “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.”

Too bad inspiration comes at such a cost...

But it took the passing of one of the greatest rock lyricists and most probably the best musical composer of the last 30 years to get me to writing a post on this thing. But just listen to "13," "Thank You Friends" or "Septembur Girls" and you'll get it.

And thank you so much Alex. Scribbling down what came to mind in the five minutes after I heard was the least a not-so-Big Star could do.

Alex

St. Patrick's Day/
Passed away/
Don't let the road rise up to meet ya/
Don't let this world beat ya/
Even if/
It can't recognize/
What we did/
With our lives/
Before it heart attacked us/
The big heartattalex/
Lyrics written in italics/
My life/
Who would've imagained...

And it only happens once/
Like falling in love/
A punch in the gut/
And the breath you lose/
And the air you breathe/
We lost you/
As he turned 13

St. Patrick's Day/
He went away/
A toast could be raised/
To yester daze/
But what's in a name/

Float away/
Float away/
Just float away

We have a new link, Houston...

...so please check it out. My new buddy from Chicago, Tony Kuzminski, SCREEN DOOR founder, fellow traveler and Federici fan. He was kind enough to post my thoughts on the passing of one of the finest musicians to ever ensconce himself behind an organ. And I am honored to be even a miniscule part of that unending chain.

And speaking of posts, please check out the equally engaging (and, sorry Tony, much better looking) blog WHAT'S WITH ALL THE FEATHER BOAS, by my good friend and still quite the knockout - above and below her neck - Siren Cristy.

By the way, I promise I will get around soon to actually posting parts of the new book from which this little blog derived its clever little name. And then the real fun will begin...

More to come,
Brian

Get me a beer and get that man a bucket

TRACKING FOR THE NEW LISIK CD continued Jan. 13, when Craig and I descended upon the venerable Beachland Ballroom in Cleveland, along with the ever able-bodied Clint Holley of Audio Spectrum Recording (and Hayshaker Jones - on the nights when he is wearing his good boots) behind the boards.

The session went quite well, although it's still kind of hard to tell much without bass and such. Plus my hands were frozen the whole time, which might have been because of the fact that the heat was turned off in the Beachland most of the session, but was probably because of the cold cans of PBR I was drinking the whole time. For the record (and for those stalwart show attendees who might actually recognize some of these titles) we did "Small Town Royal Family," "To California," "Change On Your Own," "A Mess," "Five Other Rooms," "Longest Day Of The Year," and "Yesterday Wasn't Real."

As a side note, while my performance was...oh, fair... Craig went for the jugular the whole time and this sucker is already rocking like hell! Due in large part, I'm sure, to the particularly inspiring atmosphere. About half way through the session we we're kindly asked to take a 1/2 hour beer break in the adjoining Beachland Tavern because someone was setting up a projector for some art show going on the following night. Being the polite young gentlemen we are -and after getting assurance from Clint that he wasn't going to charge us to watch him sit and drink - we agreed to do so. During said break, Craig and Clint talked about recording gear (best line - Craig: "Clint, you remind me of a guy I knew in LA who came from Mayfield - you ever heard of him?" Clint: "No, but there are a lot of people in Cleveland ....") and I talked about The Small Faces, The Faces, and how I really wish I could have been a member of either of The Faces.

Then, while we were recording "Change," the Beachland's lovably "grumpy handy man" (Clint's term, incidentally), stood next to me pointing a flashlight at the ceiling watching a leak (Us: "Are we in your way?" Him: "No, just watch where you put your stuff. God-d***ed roof is leaking here."). Later, a buddy of Craig's who books at the Beachland, plays in a band called the Hot Rails, and looks and sounds just like Eddie Money came by and began a stirring conversation about how much indie rock blows these days (Me: "I just hope there is a happy medium between not being stupid and 'lets get drunk and naked.'" Him: "Oh, there is nothing happy or medium about us - we went straight for 'let's get drunk and naked.'") and the greatest band/album names never made (The Happy Mediums; The Single Entendre; Steve McQueen Latifah, etc....I'm stealing them all for us).

Oh, and I (quite accidentally) got a great "girl's room reverb" guitar tone on "Small Town Royal Family." We had the amp run into the women's' pisser and for some reason the stalls really made it sound great on that one. And yeah, I peed in there too. Pretty cool.

In the end, I just wish Eddie Tomecko had been on hand with a video camera while I was standing bundled in a leather jacket playing even worse than usual with my frozen hands, Clint was standing in the most amazing pile of cords and wires you could ever imagine - wearing a trucker hat, Craig was sitting in the middle of the huge empty Beachland floor in one of his "Cypress Craig" get ups, and the handyman was looking at the ceiling leak.....as we tore into "A Mess." It would have made the greatest video ever. Well, next to the one from Wizzard that Craig showed me on Youtube later when we got back to Clint's studio to dump the tracks and get a big contact buzz from our engineer's unique vegetarian diet.

Music In The Night