…waking up to hot women seemed to be as good a topic as any to bring the almost permanently pretermitted postings of this blog back to life.
“Did you see who got voted the ‘hottest woman of all time’?” Ms. Allgood called from the lower level of our humble alcazar.
“Staci Allgood,” I surmised.
“No, she came in second.”
“Marilyn Monroe.”
“Nope, not her either – but Angelina Jolie is gonna be mad when she finds out who won.”
Okay, not that I don’t agree that Jennifer Aniston is among the top two on my “famous girls I’d date if they would even cross the street to pee on me if I was on fire” list.
"Her down-to-earth persona makes her seem attainable . . .,” Ms. Allgood quoted from the online poll conducted by that estimable bastion of smart-ness Men’s Health magazine that resulted in Jen’s big win.
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought when I saw her naked on the cover of Rolling Stone,” I replied. “But the hottest woman of all time? All-time is a really long time.”
I mean, hell, are we completely leaving out decades that preceded women wearing pants?
Though Raquel Welch was runner up, and Marilyn did come in third, Us Weekly’s report of the Men’s Health report (are you getting a headache yet?...) pointed out that Britney Spears ranked fourth, Madonna fifth, and the Jen-mesis herself, Ms. Jolie, way down in 10th.
Although I have yet to dig into the official federally audited numbers associated with this momentous poll, I’d like to know where the women who have truly helped further the cause of hotness throughout history ranked.
“Did you see who got voted the ‘hottest woman of all time’?” Ms. Allgood called from the lower level of our humble alcazar.
“Staci Allgood,” I surmised.
“No, she came in second.”
“Marilyn Monroe.”
“Nope, not her either – but Angelina Jolie is gonna be mad when she finds out who won.”
Okay, not that I don’t agree that Jennifer Aniston is among the top two on my “famous girls I’d date if they would even cross the street to pee on me if I was on fire” list.
"Her down-to-earth persona makes her seem attainable . . .,” Ms. Allgood quoted from the online poll conducted by that estimable bastion of smart-ness Men’s Health magazine that resulted in Jen’s big win.
“Yeah, that’s exactly what I thought when I saw her naked on the cover of Rolling Stone,” I replied. “But the hottest woman of all time? All-time is a really long time.”
I mean, hell, are we completely leaving out decades that preceded women wearing pants?
Though Raquel Welch was runner up, and Marilyn did come in third, Us Weekly’s report of the Men’s Health report (are you getting a headache yet?...) pointed out that Britney Spears ranked fourth, Madonna fifth, and the Jen-mesis herself, Ms. Jolie, way down in 10th.
Although I have yet to dig into the official federally audited numbers associated with this momentous poll, I’d like to know where the women who have truly helped further the cause of hotness throughout history ranked.
I mean, where is the don’t-touch-that-you’ll-burn-your-hand stovetop hot Jean Harlow and her decades-ahead-of-her-time practice of never wearing a bra? And, what, no Natalie Wood? And no Grace Kelly? No Audrey Hepburn?
Maybe I just have an unhealthy thing for those knee-wobbling 1940s hairdos, but for god’s sake gentlemen, where in the hell is Rita H-H-H-HHayworth? Or geez, Rosie the Riveter?
And hey, if we are allowing cartoon hotness to enter the fray, let’s hear it for Betty Boop, Jessica Rabbit (not to mention her real-life voice, Kathleen Turner), and – the hottest-drawn character ever, the indomitable Daphne from Scooby Doo.
Not that I have anything against the age of cocaine-fueled disco hotness either. Where, pray tell is Cheryl Ladd? Or Phoebe Cates in “Fast Times At Ridgemont High?”
And what of the world off the silver screen – no Linda Rondstadt on her 1976 “Hasten Down the Wind” album, or Tanya Tucker on 1978’s “TNT”, or pretty much every Stevie Nicks album?
“You know what I hate – she has such nice lips but they always seem to be chapped,” Ms. Allgood said with a tisk as a picture of poor dear Angie popped up on the screen, shortly before turning her attentions from the Men’s Health poll to more important matters, such as letting Isis the German Shepherd outside to poop.
“Hey, don't delete it yet - the article also has a link to ‘Jen’s Amazing Bikini Body’,” I replied, thinking how much better a stage play that would be than “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.”
Maybe I just have an unhealthy thing for those knee-wobbling 1940s hairdos, but for god’s sake gentlemen, where in the hell is Rita H-H-H-HHayworth? Or geez, Rosie the Riveter?
And hey, if we are allowing cartoon hotness to enter the fray, let’s hear it for Betty Boop, Jessica Rabbit (not to mention her real-life voice, Kathleen Turner), and – the hottest-drawn character ever, the indomitable Daphne from Scooby Doo.
Not that I have anything against the age of cocaine-fueled disco hotness either. Where, pray tell is Cheryl Ladd? Or Phoebe Cates in “Fast Times At Ridgemont High?”
And what of the world off the silver screen – no Linda Rondstadt on her 1976 “Hasten Down the Wind” album, or Tanya Tucker on 1978’s “TNT”, or pretty much every Stevie Nicks album?
“You know what I hate – she has such nice lips but they always seem to be chapped,” Ms. Allgood said with a tisk as a picture of poor dear Angie popped up on the screen, shortly before turning her attentions from the Men’s Health poll to more important matters, such as letting Isis the German Shepherd outside to poop.
“Hey, don't delete it yet - the article also has a link to ‘Jen’s Amazing Bikini Body’,” I replied, thinking how much better a stage play that would be than “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.”
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